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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops in holes

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Some covered by porcelain thrones

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Some are nothing but dirt and stones

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Some seats are heated

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Some seats are gold-plated, sanitized and treated

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Some don’t have seats, you just gotta squat

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That’s just what you got

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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From kings in their marble rooms

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To kids in their light-up shoes

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No matter what you own

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You’re still alone

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When nature calls the truth

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Everybody poops

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Not everybody uses toilet paper wipes

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Some use water jets

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Others use rocks

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Some just improvise

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Some are terrible

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Some are easy

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Some are splashy

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Some are breezy

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Some take time

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Some won’t stop

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Some you pray just drop

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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From penthouse views to camping loops

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From fancy spa to forest roots

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No matter what you prove

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No matter what you choose

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We all pay nature’s dues

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Everybody poops

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It doesn’t care who you are

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It doesn’t care what you make

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It doesn’t care about your car

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Or the promises you break

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When the moment comes

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There’s no escape

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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In silver stalls or muddy boots

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It humbles presidents and brutes

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You can laugh or you can mope

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But there’s no way to elope

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From the oldest human truth

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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Everybody poops

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Poops